A STORY BY AYODELE ADEOYE *IMPREGNATE ME OR I DIE*

A STORY BY AYODELE ADEOYE

*IMPREGNATE ME OR I DIE*

*PART ONE*

Thanks to my mother, Mrs Ladidi who taught me to be a woman of pride and dignity. It will be difficult for many to believe I was still a virgin even after my university education. My mother was that strict woman who must not see you with any man. She made us believed you can never be respected by your husband if he meets your disvirgined. So I did everything in my wisdom and strength to keep my virginity all through my secondary school and university days. There were series of temptations and narrow escapes but it was not easy.

Danjuma was my first love, we met while I was in SSS 2. He was a good guy except that he wanted me to prove my love for him by sleeping with him. I had told him from the onset of our relationship that *this is everything minus sex* and he agreed. We dated for three years, but it was three years of agony and pain. In our three years of dating, he attempted raping me six times but was unsuccessful.

I will never forget the last attempt, he had succeeded in tearing my pant and I had made up my mind to let him into my body but he lost erection after all the struggle to get me down. That was how I escaped the sixth attempt. You must be thinking why I had not walked away after the second or the third attempt, I myself can't tell why I couldn't walk away.

All my friends knew I was still a virgin and the only virgin among our clique. Severally they had arranged some boys to get me disvirgined but I was smarter than them. I had a strong intuition to know when they drugged my food or drinks just to get at me. Some of them thought I was a witch but I wasn't. They intentionally discussed how sweet sex was while I was with them to make me change my mind but I was resolute - my mother's words are more stronger than theirs. I want to be a woman of pride and dignity. I will keep my virginity for my husband no matter the cost.

My second boyfriend was not as aggressive as Danjuma, he was calmer and respected my decision with the hope that he will eventually be that husband to break the cistern. Our love for each other was enviable. We were like the Romeo and Juliet of our time. In all our times together he never tried to force me to sleep with him except on two occasions when were lost in lust for each other. We almost could not resist each other as we both caressed each other like two love birds. He looked at my face, I looked at his and remembered my covenant, "I will keep my virginity for my husband". Something within me said, "but Dan will marry you, there's no difference if he does it now or later." I quickly rejected that voice and disengaged from his arms and took my leave. These were not easy decisions anyway. Even though he had never complained, putting him in the mood and leaving him in that manner gave me a lot of concern and worry.

I shared my experience with Jumai and she felt I was wicked. 'A man who has given you everything you wanted in life, he has provided your material needs, given you time and affection, etc, what else can you give him as a pay back or appreciation for all his gestures?' She asked me. Jumai made me feel indebted to Daniel and I couldn't sleep all through the night because of her words. I woke up at about 2am that night and I was overwhelmed with the thought of Daniel. In reality there's nothing Daniel hasn't done to make me happy, there's nothing I give him that will be too much for his love towards me, not even my virginity. Immediately I decided that moment to give it to him. I picked my phone and sent him a text message, "I will be coming to your place tomorrow". He replied after 23 minutes, "it's ok, I will be expecting you". I was eager to meet with Daniel so he can make me feel like a woman for the first time. The clock became slow for my liking.

Because of what people will say, I waited till 10am before going to his house. The moment I entered, he knew I was up to something, my face said it all, my actions spelt it better but Daniel is a rare gem. He reminded me of my covenant, the words of my mother to me. 'Will you break your covenant for five minutes enjoyment?' He asked me. I was ashamed of myself, I could not look straight into his eyes again. He picked up my pant and wore them on me himself. We will do this when we are married, he said. Tears of mixed feelings dropped down my cheeks. 'Daniel I love you.' 'Maryam I love you more.' We hugged each other and he led me to the door.

*PART TWO*

I got admission into Bayero University Kano(BUK) to study Mass Communication - a four year course. My departure from Daniel was painful but it was expedient. My first three months in school was like I was in another world without Daniel. My loneliness didn't last for too long before I met Sally. Sally was a very brilliant student, charming and lovely. She was one of the best students in my class. We got attracted to each other because of her humility and simplicity. I have never seen a lady so brilliant and pretty and still humble the way Sally was. The only problem with my friend is that she doesn't know how to say no to proposals from guys. I became her saviour when I came into her life, as I had to help her turn down some casual proposals from some casual guys. Guys were flocking around her because she had what it takes for any man to want to die for her. Before I met her, she had already dated two guys in the same department just barely four months after entering into school.

When our first semester result was released Sally had one of the highest GPA, only one guy was ahead of her. The result made Sally more popular than before. Our friendship was cut short by the semester's break that lasted for about a month. By the time we resumed for the second semester, we agreed to live together off campus. We took a room apartment outside the campus and life began on a new note. How Sally was able to combine her academic work together with her numerous male friends and still came out with strong 2.1 still remains a mystery. I knew I could not compare myself with Sally if I have to graduate from the school. I concentrated on my books while Sally gave better of her times to men.

Before we finished second semester, Sally had already had two D&Cs, while I was still a virgin. All these never affected her grades or performance in school. Sally never stayed with a guy for more than two months. She changed them like clothes and shoes. She came back home one day drunk and almost half naked. 'Sally where are you coming from?' I asked, but she did not reply a word. She managed to get herself into the bathroom for a shower. I joined her in the bathroom to know what had happened to my friend. Her hair, her torn pants and stains all over her body made me to deduce that my friend had been drugged and raped. Who did this to you Sally? I asked, she never altered a word to tell me what had happened to her but it was obvious.

I became afraid of Sally because of her proscumity and waywardness. I was afraid she was going to contact an incurable disease someday as she jumped from one guy to the other. Lecturers were not spared by Sally. She was also good at snatching people's boyfriends. By the time we got to 300level I made up my mind not to stay together with Sally again because of her lifestyle but she won't let me leave. 'You're the only true friend I have in this campus, you still tell me the truth even when I am not taking your advice. What will now be of me if people like you are no longer in my life to help correct my excesses?' She said to me when I broke the news to her of my intention to stay on my own that semester. Her words touched me and I gave my conditions if I have to stay together with her. 'Condition one is that you must not have two boyfriends at a time. Condition two is that you must always follow me to the church anytime I am going.' She crossed her heart and accepted my conditions, so I stayed back.

Sally kept to the deal for just three weeks and went back to her lifestyle. My heart was broken because she will be going for another abortion by the weekend, this will be the 5th abortion she will be doing in three years. I began to fear for her future, how will she be able to give birth when she's married? I asked myself. This last abortion was not funny as she bled for almost two weeks after. Sally almost died but we couldn't seek help because we couldn't tell people she just had an abortion. I thought this experience will teach her a lesson but I was wrong. She seemed to be wilder after that incidence.

'Sally! We've got a special guest pastor from Lagos. He has been around for the past two days and today is the last day he will be with us, I will like you to come with me to the church to be part of the blessing of today. I will go with you if you will promise me we will close or I can leave by 7pm because I have an important appointment by 7:30pm. I quickly accepted her condition, at least she will be in the church. The guest speaker hadn't even started his sermon when Sally looked into my eyes. Of course I knew what that meant. Before I could say anything she had picked her bag and was gone. I tried to see her off but she was in hurry so I let her be. I got home by 9:05 and met Sally with two guys on our bed.

*PART THREE*

We graduated on the 18th September and it was celebration galore. I went back to Abuja to my parents to await my NYSC posting while Sally decided to stay back in Kano because she was offered a teaching job in one of the best private schools in Kano. It was the custom of the school to seek for the best graduating students in the University to offer a job with tempting pay. Sally though wasn't the best student in our department but she was one of the best, she was preferred because she is from the north and could speak Hausa very well. She worked with the school for seven months when our posting came. The school owner has solid influence in the University and could influence Sally's posting. Sally was posted to Kano after the school proprietor had pressed his buttons. You can't imagine how much a private school was paying Sally, a semi graduate. We later learnt the school proprietor could spend fortune on his English and Mathematics teachers. When I came to collect my result, I spent three days with Sally in her one room self-contained apartment. Her lifestyle was now more terrible than when we were in school.

I was posted to Lokoja for my Youth service. By that time, Daniel was already engaged with a girl he impregnated. I was disappointed but he explained everything to me and apologized for betraying me. His mother wanted him to marry the girl instead of waiting for me to complete my education. Unfortunately, we had two strikes that extended our stay in school beyond four years. He tried to resist the girl but his mother connived with the girl and played smart on him. I was sorry for him because I know he's not the tough type. That was the end of my journey with Daniel. It was a bit painful because I had turned down all proposals from all the guys I met in school because of Daniel. I moved on with my life as I reported to Lokoja for my Youth service program.

At Lokoja, I met an Ebira guy, Omeiza by name. He was just the perfect guy I could have something serious with. He works with Kogi State ministry of finance, a Christian per excellence. He lived in a well furnished two bedroom apartment and he was relatively comfortable. His salary was not much but he was from a royal family and his father willed some of his properties in and outside Lokoja to him before he died. He had just two brothers, one lived in the US while the other is an officer in the Nigerian Army. I met Omeiza through a friend in our church. I called her my friend because we were both in the church choir together.

Omeiza did not let me feel the vacuum created by Daniel. He was all over me all through my service year in Lokoja. 'Maryam, you will be completing your service in a month's time, I will like you to take me to your parents next week. I have also concluded arrangements to take you to my people this weekend,' he said. I was perplexed, I had never introduced anyone to my parents as my man, how will I do this? What will I tell Mrs Ladidi, the iron lady? I began to rehearse how I will tell my mom that I now had a fiancé.

I called Sally to advice me on how to present it to my parents that I was bringing my boyfriend to the house when she broke the news to me. 'Maryam my wedding will be coming up in July and you're gonna be my chief bride maid.' July 4th was our proposed date with Omeiza but I didn't bother to tell her on phone. I was happy for my friend that she will be settling down at last. We talked at length about the guy, the wedding and lots more. Immediately she dropped the call I remembered all the abortions Sally had done, would she be able to get pregnant again especially with the last experience? I really feared for her. I told Omeiza about Sally and her wedding plans, so we shifted ours to a further date in September in order to provide the needed support for my friend's wedding.

After the lecture from Sally on how to present my boyfriend to my parents, I called my mom and repeated almost word to word everything Sally told me to my mom with a shaky voice. Sincerely I was shocked at my mom's response, I was expecting a shout like usual but this time it was different. The salutation was different, her voice was cooler, her words of praises gave me confidence that I was doing the right thing. This was the first time I had the guts to talk to my mom about a man. I was expecting her to say "make sure he doesn't touch you" or "you must not allow him see your pant" as usual but I was disappointed. She was happy and promised to tell my dad about our proposed visit.

We first traveled to Okene to see his family. Their house was big, what do you expect from a royal family? Everyone accepted me, his aged mother made me sit on her laps like a baby, wow I felt like a princess for the two days we stayed in Okene. It was like we already married, his people were lovely and hospitable. We all went to church on Sunday in the family Sienna car, his mother, two cousin sisters and myself sitting in front of the car with Omeiza like the queen of Ohinohi, hahaha. We left Okene very early in the morning on Monday to report directly to our places of work. Okene to Lokoja was less than an hour drive. When we arrived Lokoja I was thinking of how we will pass the night in my house, our house in Abuja isn't as big as Omeiza's house in Okene where I had a whole big room to myself. The thought of how to pass the night in Abuja with Omeiza became my major problem.

We left for Abuja on Friday afternoon. On arrival my mom was all over him, 'my son that, my son this.' She barely had time for me. He was led to the dinning table and my mom served my boyfriend a sumptuous meal, this is unbelievable. Mrs Ladidi had changed. I couldn't comprehend her sudden change for quite a while. Immediately after the dinner, I began to think about where to sleep. My mom had everything planned out without me knowing. She had asked my sisters to moved their things temporarily to her room, the same room she shared with my dad. Maryam, let my son go and rest as she pointed to the other room, of course there are only two rooms. The second room was our room but the arrangement was amazing this time. The two of us were to use the room while my two sisters use the sitting room. How can my mom trust me and a man inside a room all the night after all her teachings? I was not comfortable with the arrangement so I led Omeiza to the room and joined my sisters at the sitting room. She came out at about 10:30pm and saw me at the sitting room with my sisters and almost got angry, you left only him in the room? She asked angrily. I couldn't say a word but quickly joined him in the room.

*PART FOUR*

I had to take two weeks break from work to be with Sally for her wedding preparations. We planned and executed every bit of her wedding decisions together. The wedding was okay because Sally's husband worked with an oil company in Port Harcourt; and with a fat salary, they could afford everything they wanted for the wedding. He had come for a two-week official assignment in Kano where he met with Sally. I felt for him considering the past life of my friend. Will she be able to give him a child at all? This was my thought all through the wedding. The wedding ended and I took off on Monday morning back to Lokoja.

My wedding was in a month's time, and I needed to put myself together so that I can be strong enough to go through the stress. I was shocked to my bones when Sally told me she won't be coming for my wedding. 'Why won't you attend my wedding after all I went through to make yours a success?' I protested. How can she be absent at my wedding? 'No way, Sally I know you are joking,' I said, laughing over the phone. 'Maryam you won't understand.' she said. 'On my wedding day, I was already two months pregnant and the doctor had advised me not to engage in strenuous activities in my first trimester.' 'Sally, you are what?' I asked in surprise. It was a mixed feelings for me, I was happy she was pregnant and also unhappy she won't make it to my wedding.

But how could she be pregnant? after the last abortion the doctor told her that her chances of getting pregnant within the next five years is less than 7%. I would have ascribed this to a miracle but Sally was the least to enjoy God's grace. I was happy for her, my fears had been taken away. But many questions ran through my mind; does God show mercy on unrepentant persons? To the best of knowledge, Sally is still a chronic sinner. Three of her boyfriends still sent her money while I was with her in the build up to her wedding. I was aware she still went to see Alhaji Ado in his hotel room four days to her wedding. I concluded, "His ways are not our ways" and left the matter at that.

I began to plan for my own wedding as the day drew near. Sally and her husband sent me N300,000 to support my wedding plans. Three days to the D day I became feverish for thoughts and fears of sleeping with a man for the first time. I was told the first experience is not always funny especially at my age. I became so weak that I was taken to the hospital where I was given two drips before I was discharged. Everything went well, my mom was proud of me marrying at 29 as a virgin.

My mom had taught me everything I needed to know and do as a new bride. On our first night together as husband and wife, my husband could not believe I was still a virgin when he couldn't penetrate me. I had never told him I was a virgin either. After much struggle without success, he took a break and went downstairs as if he was going to buy something but I saw him making a call. He must have called a friend to narrate his experience. He came back after about 30 minutes with smile all over his face. Maryam, you are still a virgin? I smiled, I was proud of myself and my mom. My dream to give my virginity to my husband had finally come to reality. This time he knew what to do, he must have been taught from the phone conversation he had. That night he made a lot of promises to me including buying me a car.

Been with Omeiza for one week without interruption from work and families was the best thing that ever happened to me. We gisted, played games, watched movies, ate and slept all through the week. We could go a whole day without seeing the sun, it was fun, fun and more fun. I knew I won't escape been pregnant after a two week continuous sexual intercourse. One month after I started feeling funny in my body, of course I needed no laboratory test to know what was going on in my system. I was so weak that my husband will have to close on time from work to help me do some house chores. 'You need to see the doctor,' Omeiza pleaded. 'I will see the doctor at the right time, I will be fine,' I assured him.

*PART FIVE*

I was very optimistic and calculative. I saw my period last on the 16th of July, this is 2nd September, I didn't need any test to know I was pregnant with the changes in my body. I started acting drama for my husband. He gradually does everything in the house without complaining, "my dear just sleep and I will do everything for you", that became Omeiza's slogan. But he was bent on taking me to the hospital for a test. After mounting pressure on me? I succumbed just for him to let me be. I took my birth that morning and got to the hospital early just to please my husband and clear his doubt about my condition. I was number four on the queue waiting to be attended to. All the three women ahead of me came out of the laboratory with a smile and a white envelope in their hands. An elder cleaner and a staff of the hospital positioned herself by the entrance to the hospital laboratory who will always smile at women coming out of the maternity laboratory with a congratulatory greetings. 'Congratulations madam", she repeated to the first three women who went in before me as they came out smiling.

It was my turn to go in, I had planned within me how I will change my steps when coming out with my white envelope. I love the old woman and I planned to hug her when she will be telling me "congratulations madam". All the three women who went in before me spent between fifteen to twenty minutes and they were out. Forty minutes after I entered, the lab technician was yet to give me my result. I saw him going over the same process again and I knew something was wrong. Just a minute madam, he requested like three times. I became unnecessarily agitated and worried. Why is my own test taken so long? Has he discovered something else different from pregnancy in the test? What could be wrong? I thought of many things including being HIV positive. Even if I was HIV positive it must be from a different source and not sex.

He finally handed over the envelope to me but mine was a brown envelope. All those who had come out before me were given white envelope, why is mine brown? I queried my mind. I was expecting him to say something but he handed over the envelope to me and continued his work as if I was no longer in the lab. I waited for about two minutes, expecting him to say something but he said nothing. Oga what is in the result? I asked him. He was not polite at all when he told me "madam the result is negative". I quickly asked meaning what? As if I don't understand what he meant. 'Madam you are not pregnant', he said carelessly. My whole body system changed immediately. Is this man sane? Is he a professional at all? 'How can you tell me I am not pregnant after missing my period for more than twenty days. I have been having unprotected sex more than a month now. This can't be true, I will go elsewhere to redo this test.' I replied angrily. As I was about carrying my handbag I remembered the old cleaner at the reception and how I will face her with my brown envelope. I quickly squeezed the envelope into my bag.

When I opened the door of the lab my legs were missing target as all other women seated turned at me with the old woman looking already pitiful. I felt like entering the ground that day, nobody told me congratulations like other women who came in before me. I looked at the old woman and tears dropped down my cheeks. She held me and whispered to me, "God will do it". I quickly rushed out of the scene to avoid more pity from the waiting women.

On my way to another clinic to prove the test wrong I felt a wetness in my pant. I stylishly put in my hand, it was blood, my menses just came. I told the taxi driver I wanted to drop, madam you no dey go Felele again? He asked. No I'm not going again, I changed my mind. He dropped me and I gave him N200 without asking for my change. When I dropped I went to I nearby shop and cried my life out. What will I tell my husband who is waiting for the good news? How do I explain my behavioural change and dramas? I felt like committing suicide that moment. While I was lost in thought my phone rang, it was my husband. Hello sweet heart, how did it go, are you through in the hospital, have you done the test? What is the result of the test? I didn't know which of his questions to answer. I will be home soon, I replied and ended the call.

Between ten minutes, series of questions and thoughts had overwhelmed me. Why and how can Sally who is a well known sinner be pregnant before her wedding and me who have been serving God faithfully to the best of my knowledge is made to go through this? I kept myself, Sally wasted herself yet Jacob's blessing is given to Esau and Esau's blessing given to Jacob. What have I done wrong? What is my offence? What did Sally do right that I didn't do?

*PART SIX*

I came home and met my husband in a happy mood. He had set the dining table ready in anticipation of the good news. It wasn't closing time but he was already home, obviously to hear the news first hand. However, there was no good news to tell my husband. I looked at the joy and excitement in his face and felt very bad at that moment. I started imagining the treatment I would have received from my husband if I could just announce to him that "I am pregnant". Why did God turn my happiness to sadness? It was really heavy for me to inform him that I was not pregnant after all the drama. I handed over the envelope to him and rushed to the bathroom to fix my sanitary pad so as to avoid the flow from staining me.

He took the brown envelope and stared at it for a long time without altering a word. My husband is a man of faith and I know that. After some minutes he joined me in the bedroom where I was sobbing, 'why are you crying my sweet heart?' He asked. 'Why won't I cry? When God seems to have forgotten me but choose to show kindness to a sinner. I may not be a perfect Christian but I am a good one. Why will I keep myself for all these years and God will choose to pay me back in this painful way, I retorted as I sobbed bitterly. My husband was temporarily confused, he was short of words and I understood as he tried to mutter some words but swallowed them again. He couldn't withstand my tears as some unsolicited tears dropped down his own cheeks uncontrollably.

He later summoned strength and courage and said, 'sweetheart, it is too early to worry about pregnancy. We are barely less than two months in marriage and you are already devastated because you didn't conceive in the first month. You need to take it easy, if you didn't achieve pregnancy this month, you can achieve it next month. Stop accusing God that way, that's close to blaspheming. Stop crying and wipe away your tears. I am your husband and we are in it together.' He hugged me, cuddled me, kissed me, etc but all that made no meaning to me at that moment.

For three days, I lost my appetite. My husband tried to make me eat but I couldn't. All the times he forced me to, I threw it all up eventually. He was so worried that he called my mom to inform her of all that has happened and my attitude towards the matter. My mom called me and cheered me up. She took her time to explain the ovulation process and how I should take advantage of it next month. I thanked my mom and we ended the call. That gave me some small relief and was able to eat some noodles. I made up my mind to yield to my mom's advice and take full advantage of my ovulation time. I started calculating based on the way my mom taught me.

From my calculations, my ovulation was supposed to be around 15th, by 12th I started giving my husband enough water melon and dates fruit to boost his performance for the period. Even when I was having pains I didn't let my husband know so as not to advice we should minimize the number of times we met together. I made him sleep with me twice before he left for work and when he came back from work, we did it before his meal. At night, we could go as much as three to four rounds. I was determined not to leave any stone unturned this time. At some point, he complained mildly, 'sweetheart don't you think we are having too much of sex?' He asked. 'What is too much sex for a new couple who wants a child?' I replied. 'Don't tell me you are already getting bored with sex just after two months of marriage. If we don't have sex how do you want me to be pregnant?' He was pacified and apologized for complaining.

After a weeklong sex romp with my husband I started having some pains around my lower abdomen, the pains were hurting and sharp. I didn't bother to tell my husband because I don't want him to tell me to go to the hospital. I endured the pain for two weeks thinking it will subside but it rather grew worse.

On the 3rd of November I went to the nearby pharmacy to get pregnant test kits. I will carry out the test myself before going to the hospital for confirmation. I was anxious it will be positive this time. I did the test and I didn't understand the result. I went back to the pharmacist the following day for him to explain to me how to interpret the result of the test. He did and asked me to get another kit to re-conduct the test. While I was going home that day I asked myself, "Maryam why the desperation? Why do you want to kill yourself over pregnancy for a marriage that's less than three months?" I challenged myself in many ways but yet I was still worried. I threw away the new pregnancy test kit I just bought and went home trusting God.

The pain in my abdomen became unbearable by the day. I spoke to my husband about it and of course he said we will see the doctor tomorrow. He didn't seek for my consent the following day when he came back from work and told me to prepare for a visit to the hospital. 'Sweet heart, I think I am better now and there will be no need going to the hospital again,' I told him. My husband took me by my hand and pulled me up and pointed towards the room, 'go in there and put on your clothes now,' he said. I obeyed him and went in to change my clothes.

To be continued.......